woot!...

so i have been getting fuzz on my face for a while now... my sideburns are darkening and getting thicker, more noticeable... other than that it has just been a increasing amount of light colored peach fuzz slowly getting longer and covering more of my face... well this morning while washing my face and getting ready for bed i spotted the first couple places that are starting to darken and turn into whiskers on my chin... i may actually be able to grow that goatee someday... might have to start shaving soon, if for no other reason than to just practice...

responses to questions posted over the last little bit...

sorry it's not video but i am on break at work and just not up to doing a video...

1)"I was wondering about how your new hormones affect you as far as depression goes. I think I remember you saying that you are bipolar or maybe not."


yes i have been labeled as bipolar... i actually talked to my transition therapist about that and he said it was really common for guys pre-transition to get labeled bipolar... but often times the bipolar like behavior is a symptom of being completely not comfortable with who they are and how society views them... it has also been suggested that maybe the bipolar is do to a hormonal imbalance that is corrected with testosterone treatment, because they have a male brain and it requires higher T levels to function properly...

for me personally... i have been off my bipolar meds for , i don't know, close to two years now i think... basically as soon as i came to the conclusion within myself that i was trans and then started coming out to folks i quit taking my meds... and those that saw me a my lowest of lows when it comes to mental stability a few years back are amazed at how well i am doing without meds... i am still a bit moody but it is not nearly as extreme as it used to be... so while i think i could probably still be labeled bipolar to an extent i think hiding who i truly was and not taking the steps to become the man i felt i was meant to be was more of my issue than the bipolar... and most doctors nowadays don't want to dig deep enough to figure out what the underlying cause is so i had to figure it out on my own and in order to do that i had to go off the emotion numbing drugs... at which point i discovered the deep seeded issue causing a lot of the more easily noticeable issues was my being trans and not being true to that

2)"What is it like shaving?" .... well currently i only shave my upper lip and only like once every couple weeks... i just hit it with a cheap electric razor and then let it grow back out... there are other places i wish i could reach to shave such as my hairy ass crack but that just comes with the territory... i like the idea of facial hair and shaving my face or sculpting my goatee and such... i am excited to see how it goes but that could take a couple years to really come in fully...

3)How are you dealing with the hormones? Do you have a new perspective on things now? How do people react to your changing body? 

    A) i am dealing with the hormone adjustment fairly well i think... it is a lot of change that isn't always noticeable to me immediately  often times things will get pointed out to me before i notice them... cause i am with me 24/7 so it is all super gradual to me...

  B)my perspective is slowly changing... i totally feel more empathy towards teenage boys and understand why they are always trying to get in girls pants... they really can't help it especially bio males who are young teens they haven't yet learned the tools for self control... i am fortunate to be thirty and know how to control myself... and with males sometimes the physical reaction of being turned on by something and getting an erection is beyond their control... it is a standard bodily function that sometimes just happens even when you don't want it to... girls are the same way, they just have better means of hiding it and don't randomly sit around talking about how the hottest boy in school walked by and made them soak their panties... guys have a harder time hiding a natural physical reaction... and even at thirty and having the tools for self control i still have moments on testosterone when my body just takes over and if it finds something attractive it responds... and it can be in the least appropriate place and time but it just happens... i swear a slight breeze and i am all worked up... so in that respect i think i understand bio males a bit better now, especially all the guys i went to high school with... other than that i don't completely pass as male yet so i have yet to be fully allowed into the male side of society... i am sure when i am finally allowed in i will gain much perspective and insight...

  C) most everybody of importance in my world knew i was trans and was gonna start the physical/medical process of transitioning well before i actually started... so they all had time to kind of figure out what to expect... so reactions aren't very extreme for the most part... i tend to get new muscles pointed out by my girl and comments on my voice dropping mainly... both of my aunts have started to point out that the further into my transition i get the more i appear to be built like my grandfather on that side... which i am okay with... people seem to think i am taller now but really i think i just walk and stand straighter rather than crunching over trying to hide all my girly

as always keep the questions coming... i love answering them... thanks to cris for this set of questions... it really made me think about things i hadn't yet... nothing is too personal to ask but it may be to personal to answer on public forum in which case i will discuss one on one... so don't be afraid to ask anything no matter how simple or complicated it may be...  video next time i promise... i know there is at least one foreigner that would like to hear the latest changes to my voice... and i just did a sweet photo shoot so i will post some of those here as well... thanks for supporting me and choosing to educate yourselves along this journey with me...

my apologies...

for the lack of recent posts... my world went to hell in a hand-basket... i will post an update soon...